It seems horribly unfair that something so natural can be so damn hard. I have tried pumping constantly. I have tried nursing constantly. I have taken every herb under the sun, and even the best of the pharmaceuticals. I have tried breast compressions and I have prayed to the dairy goddess to make the milk flow, but nothing seems to make it work the way it's supposed to. Part of me feels like any reasonable person would have given up by now, but I can't. I can't stop trying. But it hurts my heart. I am tired of it hurting.
Don't get me wrong, though. I absolutely love breastfeeding. Never before nursing have I experienced the deep, unending bond that it brings, nor the inexplicable joy that comes from nurturing another being with my body. It is the very best thing for my baby, and I will continue to breastfeed as long as I have any milk to give. I just wish there was a little more.
But I guess that's parenting- giving everything you have, wishing it could be more, but it still having to be enough. Here is an anagram I wrote to remind me of what's important, what it's all about. Maybe it will help you too.
P-atience
A-daptation
R-espect
E-mpathy
N-urturing
T-rust
I-ntuition
N-ot knowing
G-rowth
And above all else, Love, Love, Love.
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